What's it like when you get a nervous breakdown? Like, if you have some meltdown because you get scared of something or you just plain end up doing something just to calm down? Do people often stare at you like you are crazy? I'm not one to act out in public but I have done so a few times when I get upset. I have trouble understanding the emotions of people around so if someone got angry with my dad, I would go into a meltdown mode and cry. People often stare and wonder what is wrong with me and sometimes its really embarrassing but at times its just hard to control all the emotions that crawl into my system.

There is so much my parents don't know about any of my disabilities. It makes it hard for me to really tell them anything because if I'm the only one that knows the reason for the actions, how can they react and know what I'm thinking? I have a huge passion for writing and its not just about writing stories or anything like that but when I am able to write things, its much easier for me to explain my needs. If I had to explain them vocally, I wouldn't be able to get a point across.

Sometimes I want they kidn of attention where people understand that I have a disability. I want them to realize that I act this way because I have autism and not because I am a retard. Alot of people out their are rude and don't support people who are like us and its hard to live in a world like that because those people can't except the fact that you'll always be like this.

It was always hard for me growing up because no one bother to recognize my learning difficulties and they always considered me retarded because I couldn't learn as quickly as the other kids. I had a hard time learning and I still do because I just can't hold in any information for a long time. I mean my reading, writing and spelling skills are pretty superior for my level but my vocabulary and even my math skills are very unlimited.

I guess you want me to tell you about my experiences right? Well I want to explain my severe anxiety. See, its more like a mix of different things. I suffer from severe social anxiety to a point where I want to escape all aspects of social interaction. If someone was to ask me what time it was or something, I would get really scared and my mind would go blank and even when someone decides to set next to me or even near me I just feel like I want to escape from that stranger and crawl into a world of my own. I won't even talk to a stranger on the phone and when I am forced to do so I freak out and will go into a meltdown.

I also tend to get short of breath and sometimes I worry about many things and its a bother to me at times because I don't want to think about the bad things in my life. I even worry about my house catching on fire when my family is usually pretty good at making sure something like that doesnt happen and I even get worried that my boyfriend won't love me if he finds out that I'm not as cute as I seem. There is so much more I worry about that a normal person would be able to shake off.

Sometimes when people tell me I have to do something I know I can't do, I get overwhelmed with the feelings and especially when they tell me I can do it I feel like I want to scream because they just won't listen. No one really wants to understand me and not even my parents know anything about my disabilities. I just want people to understand what I've gone through all my life and how its destroyed it for me.

First I would like to tell you about myself. Don't expect any of the truly personal details but more about my interests. I am a huge anime freak and pretty much talk about anime every day of my life. Anime has become part of my life and it is everything to me. That's all I have to say for now so hopefully I'll tell you more later. :3